At a crossroad...

Recently I find myself at a crossroad again....the dilemma of which path to take in life....coz u know that u r on your own, you have to make the decision on your own, no more depending on mummy and daddy to decide what u r going to do....it' s kinda confusing....

let me elaborate:

u see, since we r born, i guess most of the decisions or shall i say the 'main' decisions are probably made by our parents....from the clothes we wear, what language we speak, where we stay, what school we go to....basically, we r just moving through the motions....we r walking on the path that has been chosen for us.... life was simpler back then i guess..

then when we get to primary school all the way up to sec 5, we didnt really need to make any decisions either.....well, not unless u plan to get into some elite school...but if u r not ambitious or choosy, i guess u probably will have a rather simple and happy childhood....well, mine was...to be realy honest, i barely remember much from my school days, memory loss perhaps...but for the most part, i felt that school was nice, not stressful, i actually looked forward to going to school everyday.!!!

the 1st crossroad for me was after form 5.....this is the very first time i have to make a choice on my own....what to study post SPM??? A levels?? STPM?? SAM?? oh yea, or apply for asean scholarship to study JC in singapore.....well, i did apply, but i didnt get the scholarship lor coz i f*cking failed the math test coz i didnt prepare/study for it...sien...should have put in more effort.. anyways, i opted for STPM coz it's the cheapest option....anyways, what's wrong with STPM??? i hate it when ppl start talking shit about how STPM is difficult and this and that..eventhough until now, i still rmb the panic attacks and cold sweats i get b4 physics test..and i had severe insomnia throughout STPM exam....coz too kan cheong to sleep really.....

post STPM....results r out....next decision making time: apply what course and which uni??
this wasnt such a big prob, coz i sort of knew what i wanted by the time the results r out...
i applied and got what i wanted.....until now some ppl still ask me, y as a triple science student, y suddenly change to biz?? my answer is.......i always knew that by uni level i would change stream...i knew....for me, science just wont blend with me...like oil and water...

now...3 years later... this is my final sem....and i think i m facing my biggest dilemma so far..

my second crossroad in life:

in 5 months time i;ll be graduating....most probably will grad lar...without honours...=)
just bachelor in business admin (finance) ...that's all...no 2nd class honours etc..coz i m not doing my honours year...nvm lar...if i want to study some more in future, then i will do some post grad courses like MBA or something...but i think chances very slim...=)

the million dollar question is :
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now what???
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i really dunno what i wanna do in future leh.... the road to the future that i see is misty, blur cloudy? and if someone were to ask me on the spot, and i have to die die give an answer, then i would say banking...as in commercial banking...but i know that i m saying this just to 'follow the crowd'....i really dont feel like that's my passion u know...but then again, i havent tried it, y would i know that i dont like it???? it's a tough choice i think...
well...i like finance, this i know...but somehow, i feel like i dont have a natural instinct when it comes to business?? i dunnoooo.....

but i know i like beauty products...haha...i wonder if i would ever be in the marketing line....i really dont know....

and i m also dwelling on this online biz idea.......but this one is in future ler...now no capital..

u know what the problem is???? i dont know what i want and what i'm good that..that's the problem.. i know i should start looking for jobs, but i dont even know where to start??????? gosh.....i'm sooooo complicated..... sometimes i wish i have a mentor who have experience and can give me some guidance.....

the point is, i'm not looking for the highest pay possible, i'm not looking for the biggest company, i just want to look for a job that i like, i m interested in, that i look forward to going to work everyday, and of coz, pays enough for me to pay my monthly expenses....why is it so confusing??? god... why am i so blur all the time??????? helppppp.....

this blog is starting to act as my therapist...haha....i really should come here more often..