At a crossroad...

Recently I find myself at a crossroad again....the dilemma of which path to take in life....coz u know that u r on your own, you have to make the decision on your own, no more depending on mummy and daddy to decide what u r going to do....it' s kinda confusing....

let me elaborate:

u see, since we r born, i guess most of the decisions or shall i say the 'main' decisions are probably made by our parents....from the clothes we wear, what language we speak, where we stay, what school we go to....basically, we r just moving through the motions....we r walking on the path that has been chosen for us.... life was simpler back then i guess..

then when we get to primary school all the way up to sec 5, we didnt really need to make any decisions either.....well, not unless u plan to get into some elite school...but if u r not ambitious or choosy, i guess u probably will have a rather simple and happy childhood....well, mine was...to be realy honest, i barely remember much from my school days, memory loss perhaps...but for the most part, i felt that school was nice, not stressful, i actually looked forward to going to school everyday.!!!

the 1st crossroad for me was after form 5.....this is the very first time i have to make a choice on my own....what to study post SPM??? A levels?? STPM?? SAM?? oh yea, or apply for asean scholarship to study JC in singapore.....well, i did apply, but i didnt get the scholarship lor coz i f*cking failed the math test coz i didnt prepare/study for it...sien...should have put in more effort.. anyways, i opted for STPM coz it's the cheapest option....anyways, what's wrong with STPM??? i hate it when ppl start talking shit about how STPM is difficult and this and that..eventhough until now, i still rmb the panic attacks and cold sweats i get b4 physics test..and i had severe insomnia throughout STPM exam....coz too kan cheong to sleep really.....

post STPM....results r out....next decision making time: apply what course and which uni??
this wasnt such a big prob, coz i sort of knew what i wanted by the time the results r out...
i applied and got what i wanted.....until now some ppl still ask me, y as a triple science student, y suddenly change to biz?? my answer is.......i always knew that by uni level i would change stream...i knew....for me, science just wont blend with me...like oil and water...

now...3 years later... this is my final sem....and i think i m facing my biggest dilemma so far..

my second crossroad in life:

in 5 months time i;ll be graduating....most probably will grad lar...without honours...=)
just bachelor in business admin (finance) ...that's all...no 2nd class honours etc..coz i m not doing my honours year...nvm lar...if i want to study some more in future, then i will do some post grad courses like MBA or something...but i think chances very slim...=)

the million dollar question is :
.
.
.
.

now what???
.
.
.

i really dunno what i wanna do in future leh.... the road to the future that i see is misty, blur cloudy? and if someone were to ask me on the spot, and i have to die die give an answer, then i would say banking...as in commercial banking...but i know that i m saying this just to 'follow the crowd'....i really dont feel like that's my passion u know...but then again, i havent tried it, y would i know that i dont like it???? it's a tough choice i think...
well...i like finance, this i know...but somehow, i feel like i dont have a natural instinct when it comes to business?? i dunnoooo.....

but i know i like beauty products...haha...i wonder if i would ever be in the marketing line....i really dont know....

and i m also dwelling on this online biz idea.......but this one is in future ler...now no capital..

u know what the problem is???? i dont know what i want and what i'm good that..that's the problem.. i know i should start looking for jobs, but i dont even know where to start??????? gosh.....i'm sooooo complicated..... sometimes i wish i have a mentor who have experience and can give me some guidance.....

the point is, i'm not looking for the highest pay possible, i'm not looking for the biggest company, i just want to look for a job that i like, i m interested in, that i look forward to going to work everyday, and of coz, pays enough for me to pay my monthly expenses....why is it so confusing??? god... why am i so blur all the time??????? helppppp.....

this blog is starting to act as my therapist...haha....i really should come here more often..

Shopping day

so today i'm free, (thursday is my free day) at least for now, and me and my friend decided to go shopping before the sem starts to really kick in.....we went to bugis...and saw this...

Watson brand....it was only SGD15...and we thought, wow, quite cheap yea....might as well buy and 'play play' with it....wanted to buy it to curl my hair....coz i watched a few youtube videos, those girls damn pro, use a straightener to curl their hair, damn nice...so i thought, i also wanna try to imitate that method....so we bought one each.....

so we were quite gung-ho to experiment with our new toy...

before:

this is my normal hair......straight....not exactly super straight lar, got waves a bit, but generally straight.coz i rebonded my hair very long ago.....In this pic, i didnt use the hair straightener..

After:

after playing this the toy for a while, this was the result...like shit like that lor...look like crazy woman.....dunno why, cannot make the curls to look like curls leh....just tried curling the front few pieces of hair....the back didnt yet, coz too tired after curling the ssame strand of hair so many times.... maybe need more practice...

VERDICT: MISSION FAILED!! and now i start to think that curly hair is not suitable for me...

anyways, today got buy other things also lar....bought a dress, a skirt, a pair of scandals, a pair of shoes and heat protectant...that's all...^.^

feeling a bit guilty for buying so many things today....=(

especially since i m spending money i havent even earn...=(

must really start getting desperate to look for tuition jobs...

bye=)

I miss you..

When I tell you that i miss you, i really mean it, i really do.....

December updates

hello!

Just a quick update...it's been ages since i wrote anything on this blog....and so many things have happened.. spent the entire month of december holiday-ing at home....went to genting with michele,lifong, MY and joe...it was very fun guys!!!!i had a great time....i felt that the trip was very 'fruitful' becoz ahem* and ahem* got together not even 2 weeks after the trip....=) haha... btw, it was very nice to catch up with friends after so long...=)

oh yea, and dec was quite a busy month for me coz my bro and my yee shou got married....3 wedding dinners, one in malacca, one in singapore and one in KL...so our whole family were kinda bz and 'stressed' the entire month...haha, actually, planning for a wedding is very 'mafan'....they took almost more than a year to plan and prepare....so many things to do....which got me thinking, maybe next time if i ever get married, maybe i should marry while on a holiday?? more convenient, less hassle?? well, i dont know..just a random thought.haha...

oh yea, and another thing...i recently became single again....yeap....i'm coping...at least i m 'trying'....and i m having troubles moving on...=( well, dowan to say too much..

oh yea, i wanna share a very funny story with u guys ....i'll write it in the next post...

Emo post- a reflection of the past semester

it's been weeks since i last posted anything on this blog....

and u would probably be wondering, what's pohling doing??? she must be VERY busy with her school work, with assignments, midterms, cases, and exams to study for....

well to be honest, i did have a heavier workload this sem...taking 6 modules at one go..... this sem however, is the sem i enjoyed the most academically to be real honest...i felt that i have learnt alot....and i can genuinely feel that i can 'connect' with what i m learning....not like last sem, econs, which i hate, have to 'force' myself to swallow all the facts, then during exam, got panic attack.....

ok ler...moving on to more emo stuff....

lately, i haven't really been feeling that happy ler....those closer to me would probably know why....well, i was happy like 2 months ago....and then suddenly unhappy and awkward, then confused...and then sad and then angry and then happy and then freaking depressed again.....its just an emotional rollercoaster...

the most common feeling i have is 'confused'....the biggest problem i have is i dont know what i want....and that i dont know what i feel....why m i so emotional????? why????? why m i so illogical?? always creating so many dramas and blowing things way out of proportion????and why is some people so logical and lack emotions????? i dont need u to analyse my erratic behaviour...i know i m a crazy and emo girl...no need to analyse my actions for me.... dont manipulate me...dont try to 'read' my mind, coz there nothing much in it apart from many wires that dont connect.....

sometimes i wonder how i can survive all this while, while being so naive and innocent....always so blur, so mung cha cha, so apathetic, what also dont care, dont bother....i m very contented in not knowing too much...sometimes, knowing too much is not a good thing....why are some people always striving to seek the TRUTH??? is the truth really that important???? is it always the best option to do the right thing???

so what type of coffee do i like to drink??? am i drinking the right kind of coffee now???? i dunno.....do i hate the coffee i m drinking now? no.....the coffee taste finee....it taste ok...and it does its job of keeping me awake...but all this caffeine stimulation have sort of grown on me....nowadays, i need a double dose of caffeine to stay awake as compared to before....which led to me thinking that maybe this isnt the 'type' of coffee for me in the long run.....maybe i need a stronger coffee for a coffee addict like me....or is it that i grew accustomed to the coffee i have been drinking lately? i dunno whether i could break the habit of not drinking that coffee....whether i will have any withdrawal effects....but lately, this coffee sort of doesnt taste the same as it taste before....am i sort of getting 'jelak' of the coffee i m drinking????? which got me thinking whether i should try more coffees to compare the taste?? after all, the supermarket has plenty of other coffees that have nicer packaging and reviews?? and u know how much i loveeee a pretty packaging...=)

well anyways, my coffee example is the perfect example as to why too much coffee is bad for health ler...haha...anyways, no need to take my post and rants too seriously ler....i just wanna voice my inner thoughts...=)

okler...havings holidays now since exams over..

will be spending quality time with my popo and my family before going back home for the holidays...=)

feeling calm and happy!!

=)

i love it when it rains

I love it when it rains...

it feels so soothing and calm...

it feels so peaceful...

the raindrops give a very repetitive and relaxing sound...

the rain makes everything more romantic..

i love it when it rains..