Emo post- a reflection of the past semester

it's been weeks since i last posted anything on this blog....

and u would probably be wondering, what's pohling doing??? she must be VERY busy with her school work, with assignments, midterms, cases, and exams to study for....

well to be honest, i did have a heavier workload this sem...taking 6 modules at one go..... this sem however, is the sem i enjoyed the most academically to be real honest...i felt that i have learnt alot....and i can genuinely feel that i can 'connect' with what i m learning....not like last sem, econs, which i hate, have to 'force' myself to swallow all the facts, then during exam, got panic attack.....

ok ler...moving on to more emo stuff....

lately, i haven't really been feeling that happy ler....those closer to me would probably know why....well, i was happy like 2 months ago....and then suddenly unhappy and awkward, then confused...and then sad and then angry and then happy and then freaking depressed again.....its just an emotional rollercoaster...

the most common feeling i have is 'confused'....the biggest problem i have is i dont know what i want....and that i dont know what i feel....why m i so emotional????? why????? why m i so illogical?? always creating so many dramas and blowing things way out of proportion????and why is some people so logical and lack emotions????? i dont need u to analyse my erratic behaviour...i know i m a crazy and emo girl...no need to analyse my actions for me.... dont manipulate me...dont try to 'read' my mind, coz there nothing much in it apart from many wires that dont connect.....

sometimes i wonder how i can survive all this while, while being so naive and innocent....always so blur, so mung cha cha, so apathetic, what also dont care, dont bother....i m very contented in not knowing too much...sometimes, knowing too much is not a good thing....why are some people always striving to seek the TRUTH??? is the truth really that important???? is it always the best option to do the right thing???

so what type of coffee do i like to drink??? am i drinking the right kind of coffee now???? i dunno.....do i hate the coffee i m drinking now? no.....the coffee taste finee....it taste ok...and it does its job of keeping me awake...but all this caffeine stimulation have sort of grown on me....nowadays, i need a double dose of caffeine to stay awake as compared to before....which led to me thinking that maybe this isnt the 'type' of coffee for me in the long run.....maybe i need a stronger coffee for a coffee addict like me....or is it that i grew accustomed to the coffee i have been drinking lately? i dunno whether i could break the habit of not drinking that coffee....whether i will have any withdrawal effects....but lately, this coffee sort of doesnt taste the same as it taste before....am i sort of getting 'jelak' of the coffee i m drinking????? which got me thinking whether i should try more coffees to compare the taste?? after all, the supermarket has plenty of other coffees that have nicer packaging and reviews?? and u know how much i loveeee a pretty packaging...=)

well anyways, my coffee example is the perfect example as to why too much coffee is bad for health ler...haha...anyways, no need to take my post and rants too seriously ler....i just wanna voice my inner thoughts...=)

okler...havings holidays now since exams over..

will be spending quality time with my popo and my family before going back home for the holidays...=)

feeling calm and happy!!

=)

10 Physical Impact Uni Exams Can Do To You

1. U tend to eat double the portion of food u normally consume....your brains must be consuming lots of energy....so next time u wanna lose weight, just do math equations and skip the gym...(just kidding k)
   
   
2. Your eyes are drier than usual....irritated at times...and a bit strained from all the reading....
   
   
3. U realise that your hair is dropping way way too much in huge amounts that u r worried that u might have no hair left..
   
   
4. U have this huge urge to watch youtube, play facebook,friendster, watch drama, play computer games to procrastinate and avoid doing any actual 'studying'..
   
   
5. "mugging" is the ugliest word in your dictionary..
   
   
6. U realise that coffee isnt helping u stay awake anymore....oh well, i guess i'll just have to double the dose of caffeine...=)
   
   
7. U realise that time passes 10 times faster than usual...
   
   
8. Sleeping is "NOT" a priority as of now...it's a luxury...
   
   
9. Your short term memory sort of go haywire....like u cant remember what u had for lunch yesterday..
   
   
10. Your legs are always getting 'numb' or 'pins and needles' due to sitting for such a long period of time...=)

4 more days to go!!

horror!!!!!!!!!

just came back from macroecons test just now....and it was....
















HORRIBLE!!!!!!

thinking about it makes me wanna cry....the test consist of 3 main questions....aiyo..all 3 also i dunno how to do leh.....die....really dunno how to do....but of course, i didnt leave the paper blank....i wrote some rubbish which i m pretty sure the chance of it being correct is less than 10 % lor....the 2 hours passed like lightning, everytime i blink my eyes, it's like 10 seconds have passed....bloody hell...not enough time to think lor...and worse still, i linger so long at one question without being able to write something...waaaaa.......really want to cry liao...

after the test i came back to my room, feeling like a deflated balloon.....so upset....blaming myself for being so stupid....so i thought, i need to shower...i need to shower NOW....so i grabbed all my toiletries and clothes to the bathroom...then half way through washing my hair, omg..i forgot my body wash.....die....my head full of soap liao......so u know what, i used my facial cleanser to bathe...haha...very wasteful right...clearly, my mind is NOT in a stable state right now....

waaaa.......so sad...

and another thing, how do u tell your parents about how u did in your exams??? coz sometimes my mum might randomly call me and ask how are things, and how was my exam...

whatt should i tell her?? that i did great?? wa...downright lying...
i did ok?? this confirm is not true lar...
i did horrible?? what if she gets worried?? i dont want my mum to worry about me...
to tell the truth or not?? coz i dont lie to my parents one...really, i never have, i never will...
but sometimes, i dont tell the 'whole' truth...haha..but i wont lie...really...anyway, i m a horrible lier, so very easy to tell if i m talking bullshit..

i better go and study for next weeks paper already...dont want to have another nightmare next week.... i think i will go throw away my econs notes now...looking at it makes me irritated..
glad i've gotten everything off my chest..

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i'm so frustrated.. i just wanna scream....

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

i just feel so frustrated and angry and lost right now.....it's just, everything is happening at the same time, i just cant keep track........i feel scared and worried......why?? coz i really dunno what i wanna do in future.....yup, now i m taking finance and operations modules...and i m so lost in class.....the more i study it, the more i dislike it......i just dont get the 'finance' hype thingy....almost 70% of my coursemates loveee finance...and i can bet with my last dollar, all of them, their dream job is to work for investment banks like jp morgan, morgan stanley, etc...
why? coz they say it will make u freaking rich..$$$$...money money money...that's all that matters...
thursday is financial markets class as usual, and its the longest 3 hours of my entire week.... 1st major problem, i can hardly make up what the lecturer with the thick chinese accent is saying...i mean, her english is fine, it's just the accent...i will be having the quiz next week....so 7 days to prepare....i plan to read like 2 chapters per day, to like split the 'pain' u know...i dunno lar....i lack the 'money making' intuition u know....u dont really have to study finance to know how to do business u know....sometimes, it is more of judgement and intuition...
i m having second thoughts about specialising in finance....i m thinking of dropping out of it...=(..

school has been horrible lately....i just few awful....every bloody module is so confusing.....i'm so behind.....next week is the deadline of submission of supply chain assignment, and i m still trying to figure out the solution....coz it's individual assignment, and i couldnt really ask my friends, coz well, there's only 'ONE" answer...but we do discuss on the method to do...

and up till now, i still havent been able to find an internship....today's the 9th, this sem's gonna be over on the 6th of may....that means i have less than a month to search for a job....i'm so scared....there are hardly any more places available...and i have to keep applying amidst all these assignments that are going on....somemore this year, most internships require students to work for 6 months? recession has hit even interns....last year, there are plenty of internships lying around lor....this year, so few....sigh...if not, then i just come home and spend 3 months with my popo....anyways, i long time never go home liao....a few months oredi....actually i havent spent much time at home ever since i came to singapore to study....maybe what i need is a holiday....yes...get myself refreshed....

gosh...i will be graduating next year, and i can foresee that looking for a job next mid year aint gonna be easy...and worse yet, i dont really know what i wanna do in future....i dont think i will wanna work like as an OL lar...9 to 5 job....i dont really wanna work in a bank either....arrrgggghhh, i so mixed up....i dont even feel like working...

i'm all over the place.....and i'm so upset and frustrated, i dont even bother to check my spellings..

peace out

I'm feeling hot in here...

24/7- Tuesday

yups...last night, i couldnt sleep well coz my body was feeling really really hot...heaty...crazy...maybe it's something i ate or something, but i felt so uncomfortable...like there's fire inside me...i tossed and turned in my bed for hours and still cant sleep..then finally i ate panadol and went to bed.. meat makes me heaty..which is why i eat 3 parts vegetable to 1 part of meat normally.. seriously, i;m eating very little meat nowadays, sometimes no meat for like 3 days straight, but i can't go totally vegetarian...coz i miss all the good stuff..=)

on an unrelated note, u know what type of exams i hate the most?? it's not the super difficult kind...because it's bell curve, and if it's really difficult, and everyone cannot do, they will shift the bell curve.. but it;s those exam that are vague, ambiguous and bloody hell tricky... u know, those MCQ questions that have a few answers, like the answer can be a or b...or even worse, those MCQ questions that are poorly set, that have no correct answers at all...and u spent time during exam trying to figure out the answer and realise that none of the answer is within the range of your answer and u have to end up 'shooting' only to realise there;s no REAL answer... gosh..i hate those test..

even in SPM, i remember there was one test, objective question, that doesnt have a corrrect answer...gosh, i suppose that if it's gonna be a 'national level' exam, u ought to be double checking the answers i guess...

oh well...just ranting...

life's good..i'm happy today...

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Random rant

19/3- Thursday

You know, whenever u feel down and low, just remember this, among the millions and millions of your mum and dad's egg and sperm cells, 'YOU' are the only one who successfully emerged to be a zygote...how awesome and miraculous is that?? u beat all the other losers....you are special......haha=)

haha, just a random thought...coz i was reading my genes and society textbook...it's about biology...so dunno how, i can link it to that...=) very random...

was reading this just now.....while waiting for my video to load...which until now cannot also never load..=(

actually, i filmed a video, which i wanted to post here, but i waited for like more that 2 hours, and the video is still not uploaded on blogger..i give up...

so anyway, i decided to take some random photos with my webcam...yea..i know it's not that clear...but better than nothing lor..

my bed...my bedsheets are normally light yellow, blue or green...calm colours...nothing loud, or else i confirm cannot sleep one...i know some ppl hor, 20 something years old still use cartoon bedsheet..=)

concrete evidence...that's my wall...the paint has been peeling...horrible..coz it's right above my bed... i'm forced to change my bedsheet every week...

i didnt report it..coz i don't wanna go through the hassle of changing rooms..lazy to shift my stuff..

well...that's about it...my day today was really routine...just school and back to my hostel room...

adios....and remember YOU are SPECIAL....

haha

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