I miss you..

When I tell you that i miss you, i really mean it, i really do.....

Emo post- a reflection of the past semester

it's been weeks since i last posted anything on this blog....

and u would probably be wondering, what's pohling doing??? she must be VERY busy with her school work, with assignments, midterms, cases, and exams to study for....

well to be honest, i did have a heavier workload this sem...taking 6 modules at one go..... this sem however, is the sem i enjoyed the most academically to be real honest...i felt that i have learnt alot....and i can genuinely feel that i can 'connect' with what i m learning....not like last sem, econs, which i hate, have to 'force' myself to swallow all the facts, then during exam, got panic attack.....

ok ler...moving on to more emo stuff....

lately, i haven't really been feeling that happy ler....those closer to me would probably know why....well, i was happy like 2 months ago....and then suddenly unhappy and awkward, then confused...and then sad and then angry and then happy and then freaking depressed again.....its just an emotional rollercoaster...

the most common feeling i have is 'confused'....the biggest problem i have is i dont know what i want....and that i dont know what i feel....why m i so emotional????? why????? why m i so illogical?? always creating so many dramas and blowing things way out of proportion????and why is some people so logical and lack emotions????? i dont need u to analyse my erratic behaviour...i know i m a crazy and emo girl...no need to analyse my actions for me.... dont manipulate me...dont try to 'read' my mind, coz there nothing much in it apart from many wires that dont connect.....

sometimes i wonder how i can survive all this while, while being so naive and innocent....always so blur, so mung cha cha, so apathetic, what also dont care, dont bother....i m very contented in not knowing too much...sometimes, knowing too much is not a good thing....why are some people always striving to seek the TRUTH??? is the truth really that important???? is it always the best option to do the right thing???

so what type of coffee do i like to drink??? am i drinking the right kind of coffee now???? i dunno.....do i hate the coffee i m drinking now? no.....the coffee taste finee....it taste ok...and it does its job of keeping me awake...but all this caffeine stimulation have sort of grown on me....nowadays, i need a double dose of caffeine to stay awake as compared to before....which led to me thinking that maybe this isnt the 'type' of coffee for me in the long run.....maybe i need a stronger coffee for a coffee addict like me....or is it that i grew accustomed to the coffee i have been drinking lately? i dunno whether i could break the habit of not drinking that coffee....whether i will have any withdrawal effects....but lately, this coffee sort of doesnt taste the same as it taste before....am i sort of getting 'jelak' of the coffee i m drinking????? which got me thinking whether i should try more coffees to compare the taste?? after all, the supermarket has plenty of other coffees that have nicer packaging and reviews?? and u know how much i loveeee a pretty packaging...=)

well anyways, my coffee example is the perfect example as to why too much coffee is bad for health ler...haha...anyways, no need to take my post and rants too seriously ler....i just wanna voice my inner thoughts...=)

okler...havings holidays now since exams over..

will be spending quality time with my popo and my family before going back home for the holidays...=)

feeling calm and happy!!

=)

going back to the roots

last time when i was younger, i used to like helping other people....really i do....
it just makes me feeling happy and ...contented??

well...then when i came to singapore, suddenly i find myself being less willing to help and more calculative? ...coz i m scared that people will take advantage of me??

well...sometimes i really feel that i have changed alot...

but recently..i have been going back to my roots...

doing what i used to like to do...

reading stuff i used to like to read...

listening to songs i used to like to listen to...

watching dramas i used to like to watch...

arrgh...i'm going back to the old pohling...

which can be good and bad..

i feel i have found myself again after being lost in the maze of change, conflict and time...

horror!!!!!!!!!

just came back from macroecons test just now....and it was....
















HORRIBLE!!!!!!

thinking about it makes me wanna cry....the test consist of 3 main questions....aiyo..all 3 also i dunno how to do leh.....die....really dunno how to do....but of course, i didnt leave the paper blank....i wrote some rubbish which i m pretty sure the chance of it being correct is less than 10 % lor....the 2 hours passed like lightning, everytime i blink my eyes, it's like 10 seconds have passed....bloody hell...not enough time to think lor...and worse still, i linger so long at one question without being able to write something...waaaaa.......really want to cry liao...

after the test i came back to my room, feeling like a deflated balloon.....so upset....blaming myself for being so stupid....so i thought, i need to shower...i need to shower NOW....so i grabbed all my toiletries and clothes to the bathroom...then half way through washing my hair, omg..i forgot my body wash.....die....my head full of soap liao......so u know what, i used my facial cleanser to bathe...haha...very wasteful right...clearly, my mind is NOT in a stable state right now....

waaaa.......so sad...

and another thing, how do u tell your parents about how u did in your exams??? coz sometimes my mum might randomly call me and ask how are things, and how was my exam...

whatt should i tell her?? that i did great?? wa...downright lying...
i did ok?? this confirm is not true lar...
i did horrible?? what if she gets worried?? i dont want my mum to worry about me...
to tell the truth or not?? coz i dont lie to my parents one...really, i never have, i never will...
but sometimes, i dont tell the 'whole' truth...haha..but i wont lie...really...anyway, i m a horrible lier, so very easy to tell if i m talking bullshit..

i better go and study for next weeks paper already...dont want to have another nightmare next week.... i think i will go throw away my econs notes now...looking at it makes me irritated..
glad i've gotten everything off my chest..

*

I'm officially legal!

Hi....so i finally turned 21 yesterday!! yippee....

actually to be honest, i didnt really feel anything really different...it really felt like any other birthday....haha...i;m not that particular about birthdays or anniversaries one lar...haha...
but thanks for the birthday wishes...thank you all from the bottom of my heart...

birthday dinner with family at Manhattan fish market... the rice was really nice...

sorry the photo a bit blur...

so i celebrated my birthday last saturday with family....and went for dinner with lemon and jun ghai yesterday....that was it...simple and sweet...=) no party or anything...i know many people like to hold birthday parties when they turn 21...

actually, i spent the whole day of yesterday in the library...i know, i damn sian right?? no life one this girl...haha...=)hmm...this week is study week lar...

anyways, i'm just happy that i'm finally joined the 'lao ren jia' group....haha=)

what's all the hype about turning 21??

peace out!

Oh well...

26/3- Thursday

Sometimes, when u want something so desperately. u might not get it in the end...

however, u might end up getting stuff that u dont really want in the first place, that is just as good or something u have never thought of before...so i suggest we all stop trying...

sometimes, when u go looking for something specific that u want, u will never be able to find it...

however, u may stumble upon something u want when u r not looking for it...

oh well, life's a bitch..