At a crossroad...

Recently I find myself at a crossroad again....the dilemma of which path to take in life....coz u know that u r on your own, you have to make the decision on your own, no more depending on mummy and daddy to decide what u r going to do....it' s kinda confusing....

let me elaborate:

u see, since we r born, i guess most of the decisions or shall i say the 'main' decisions are probably made by our parents....from the clothes we wear, what language we speak, where we stay, what school we go to....basically, we r just moving through the motions....we r walking on the path that has been chosen for us.... life was simpler back then i guess..

then when we get to primary school all the way up to sec 5, we didnt really need to make any decisions either.....well, not unless u plan to get into some elite school...but if u r not ambitious or choosy, i guess u probably will have a rather simple and happy childhood....well, mine was...to be realy honest, i barely remember much from my school days, memory loss perhaps...but for the most part, i felt that school was nice, not stressful, i actually looked forward to going to school everyday.!!!

the 1st crossroad for me was after form 5.....this is the very first time i have to make a choice on my own....what to study post SPM??? A levels?? STPM?? SAM?? oh yea, or apply for asean scholarship to study JC in singapore.....well, i did apply, but i didnt get the scholarship lor coz i f*cking failed the math test coz i didnt prepare/study for it...sien...should have put in more effort.. anyways, i opted for STPM coz it's the cheapest option....anyways, what's wrong with STPM??? i hate it when ppl start talking shit about how STPM is difficult and this and that..eventhough until now, i still rmb the panic attacks and cold sweats i get b4 physics test..and i had severe insomnia throughout STPM exam....coz too kan cheong to sleep really.....

post STPM....results r out....next decision making time: apply what course and which uni??
this wasnt such a big prob, coz i sort of knew what i wanted by the time the results r out...
i applied and got what i wanted.....until now some ppl still ask me, y as a triple science student, y suddenly change to biz?? my answer is.......i always knew that by uni level i would change stream...i knew....for me, science just wont blend with me...like oil and water...

now...3 years later... this is my final sem....and i think i m facing my biggest dilemma so far..

my second crossroad in life:

in 5 months time i;ll be graduating....most probably will grad lar...without honours...=)
just bachelor in business admin (finance) ...that's all...no 2nd class honours etc..coz i m not doing my honours year...nvm lar...if i want to study some more in future, then i will do some post grad courses like MBA or something...but i think chances very slim...=)

the million dollar question is :
.
.
.
.

now what???
.
.
.

i really dunno what i wanna do in future leh.... the road to the future that i see is misty, blur cloudy? and if someone were to ask me on the spot, and i have to die die give an answer, then i would say banking...as in commercial banking...but i know that i m saying this just to 'follow the crowd'....i really dont feel like that's my passion u know...but then again, i havent tried it, y would i know that i dont like it???? it's a tough choice i think...
well...i like finance, this i know...but somehow, i feel like i dont have a natural instinct when it comes to business?? i dunnoooo.....

but i know i like beauty products...haha...i wonder if i would ever be in the marketing line....i really dont know....

and i m also dwelling on this online biz idea.......but this one is in future ler...now no capital..

u know what the problem is???? i dont know what i want and what i'm good that..that's the problem.. i know i should start looking for jobs, but i dont even know where to start??????? gosh.....i'm sooooo complicated..... sometimes i wish i have a mentor who have experience and can give me some guidance.....

the point is, i'm not looking for the highest pay possible, i'm not looking for the biggest company, i just want to look for a job that i like, i m interested in, that i look forward to going to work everyday, and of coz, pays enough for me to pay my monthly expenses....why is it so confusing??? god... why am i so blur all the time??????? helppppp.....

this blog is starting to act as my therapist...haha....i really should come here more often..

Shopping day

so today i'm free, (thursday is my free day) at least for now, and me and my friend decided to go shopping before the sem starts to really kick in.....we went to bugis...and saw this...

Watson brand....it was only SGD15...and we thought, wow, quite cheap yea....might as well buy and 'play play' with it....wanted to buy it to curl my hair....coz i watched a few youtube videos, those girls damn pro, use a straightener to curl their hair, damn nice...so i thought, i also wanna try to imitate that method....so we bought one each.....

so we were quite gung-ho to experiment with our new toy...

before:

this is my normal hair......straight....not exactly super straight lar, got waves a bit, but generally straight.coz i rebonded my hair very long ago.....In this pic, i didnt use the hair straightener..

After:

after playing this the toy for a while, this was the result...like shit like that lor...look like crazy woman.....dunno why, cannot make the curls to look like curls leh....just tried curling the front few pieces of hair....the back didnt yet, coz too tired after curling the ssame strand of hair so many times.... maybe need more practice...

VERDICT: MISSION FAILED!! and now i start to think that curly hair is not suitable for me...

anyways, today got buy other things also lar....bought a dress, a skirt, a pair of scandals, a pair of shoes and heat protectant...that's all...^.^

feeling a bit guilty for buying so many things today....=(

especially since i m spending money i havent even earn...=(

must really start getting desperate to look for tuition jobs...

bye=)

I miss you..

When I tell you that i miss you, i really mean it, i really do.....

December updates

hello!

Just a quick update...it's been ages since i wrote anything on this blog....and so many things have happened.. spent the entire month of december holiday-ing at home....went to genting with michele,lifong, MY and joe...it was very fun guys!!!!i had a great time....i felt that the trip was very 'fruitful' becoz ahem* and ahem* got together not even 2 weeks after the trip....=) haha... btw, it was very nice to catch up with friends after so long...=)

oh yea, and dec was quite a busy month for me coz my bro and my yee shou got married....3 wedding dinners, one in malacca, one in singapore and one in KL...so our whole family were kinda bz and 'stressed' the entire month...haha, actually, planning for a wedding is very 'mafan'....they took almost more than a year to plan and prepare....so many things to do....which got me thinking, maybe next time if i ever get married, maybe i should marry while on a holiday?? more convenient, less hassle?? well, i dont know..just a random thought.haha...

oh yea, and another thing...i recently became single again....yeap....i'm coping...at least i m 'trying'....and i m having troubles moving on...=( well, dowan to say too much..

oh yea, i wanna share a very funny story with u guys ....i'll write it in the next post...

Emo post- a reflection of the past semester

it's been weeks since i last posted anything on this blog....

and u would probably be wondering, what's pohling doing??? she must be VERY busy with her school work, with assignments, midterms, cases, and exams to study for....

well to be honest, i did have a heavier workload this sem...taking 6 modules at one go..... this sem however, is the sem i enjoyed the most academically to be real honest...i felt that i have learnt alot....and i can genuinely feel that i can 'connect' with what i m learning....not like last sem, econs, which i hate, have to 'force' myself to swallow all the facts, then during exam, got panic attack.....

ok ler...moving on to more emo stuff....

lately, i haven't really been feeling that happy ler....those closer to me would probably know why....well, i was happy like 2 months ago....and then suddenly unhappy and awkward, then confused...and then sad and then angry and then happy and then freaking depressed again.....its just an emotional rollercoaster...

the most common feeling i have is 'confused'....the biggest problem i have is i dont know what i want....and that i dont know what i feel....why m i so emotional????? why????? why m i so illogical?? always creating so many dramas and blowing things way out of proportion????and why is some people so logical and lack emotions????? i dont need u to analyse my erratic behaviour...i know i m a crazy and emo girl...no need to analyse my actions for me.... dont manipulate me...dont try to 'read' my mind, coz there nothing much in it apart from many wires that dont connect.....

sometimes i wonder how i can survive all this while, while being so naive and innocent....always so blur, so mung cha cha, so apathetic, what also dont care, dont bother....i m very contented in not knowing too much...sometimes, knowing too much is not a good thing....why are some people always striving to seek the TRUTH??? is the truth really that important???? is it always the best option to do the right thing???

so what type of coffee do i like to drink??? am i drinking the right kind of coffee now???? i dunno.....do i hate the coffee i m drinking now? no.....the coffee taste finee....it taste ok...and it does its job of keeping me awake...but all this caffeine stimulation have sort of grown on me....nowadays, i need a double dose of caffeine to stay awake as compared to before....which led to me thinking that maybe this isnt the 'type' of coffee for me in the long run.....maybe i need a stronger coffee for a coffee addict like me....or is it that i grew accustomed to the coffee i have been drinking lately? i dunno whether i could break the habit of not drinking that coffee....whether i will have any withdrawal effects....but lately, this coffee sort of doesnt taste the same as it taste before....am i sort of getting 'jelak' of the coffee i m drinking????? which got me thinking whether i should try more coffees to compare the taste?? after all, the supermarket has plenty of other coffees that have nicer packaging and reviews?? and u know how much i loveeee a pretty packaging...=)

well anyways, my coffee example is the perfect example as to why too much coffee is bad for health ler...haha...anyways, no need to take my post and rants too seriously ler....i just wanna voice my inner thoughts...=)

okler...havings holidays now since exams over..

will be spending quality time with my popo and my family before going back home for the holidays...=)

feeling calm and happy!!

=)

i love it when it rains

I love it when it rains...

it feels so soothing and calm...

it feels so peaceful...

the raindrops give a very repetitive and relaxing sound...

the rain makes everything more romantic..

i love it when it rains..

The best shampoo i have ever used....Asience

hihi....

didnt have time to blog lately....coz i was super stress from midterms...still got one more on thursday....god, cant wait for it to be over...

sorry about my last blog post....dunno why i was so stressed, but confirm i was having pms....my mood was yoyo-ing the entire week...=)

ok, back to the topic...

today, i wanna talk about shampoo....coz i m having a good hair day....haha...

the shampoo which i m using now is :




Asience shampoo + conditioner...the moisture one...the gold bottle...

it is very moisturising...

bought this from watsons....i think any pharmacy also sells this....its a japanese brand...Kao...but the description on the bottle is all in jap...
it has this very 'weird' smell....and it's really really strong...but i dont really mind it that much...but it really is a very very good shampoo...

i cant imagine using any other shampoo either than this shampoo....i sort of fell in love with it....

but hor, this shampoo got one tiny problem, when u wash your hair, u must really make sure u clean your scalp thoroughly, to avoid leaving a residue that can cause dandruff...

and the price of the shampoo i think it's about the same as Pantene....i think? dunno ler...but one bottle can last very long....but it;s still not as good as salon brands like kerastase..

very good for dry hair....this is the only shampoo that can control my frizzy hair...
and the ends of my hair dont feel so dry....

coz last time i used Dove, the old that came in the dark blue bottle, it was the moisture therapy for dry hair/damaged hair...it wasnt moisturising enough for me...

and i used the pink sunsilk one before for a super long time, this one smells very nice, but hor, really a bit dry for me also...

so if anyone has dry hair, try Asience...very good!

rough day

i had a rough day today....

why everyone always come to me to release their stress?? complain about stuff they r not happy with?? let all their frustration out by telling me???

just because i appear calm and relaxed does not mean i m ok...

dont people realise i get stressed tooo??? i have worries toooo???

i have exams toooo???? midterms toooo????

assigments toooo??? u think only ur assignment is difficult ah???

u think only ur midterms r hard ar????

do i complain when i have too much to do to you ? to much to worry about????

no....coz i have no one to talk to when i m unhappy...

and i dont wanna burden other people with more negativity when they have their own stuff to worry about...

as much as i care for people around me, sometimes i swear, i get annoyed when people seem to only lash out their 'sadness'?? on me, while being insensitive enough not to notice when i'm unhappy???

arrrrrghhhhh...

arrrrrrrrrghhhh....i'm just stressed......from life............

i just wanted to let it all out.....

i'll be fine....i just had a moment of weakness..

2moro will be another day.....

and i'm sure it will be a better day...

=)

Falling..

My current favourite song..



i love it..

falling ...by a korean pianist named Yiruma..
the person playing this song is this leekaiwei person...i just randomly took it from youtube..

going back to the roots

last time when i was younger, i used to like helping other people....really i do....
it just makes me feeling happy and ...contented??

well...then when i came to singapore, suddenly i find myself being less willing to help and more calculative? ...coz i m scared that people will take advantage of me??

well...sometimes i really feel that i have changed alot...

but recently..i have been going back to my roots...

doing what i used to like to do...

reading stuff i used to like to read...

listening to songs i used to like to listen to...

watching dramas i used to like to watch...

arrgh...i'm going back to the old pohling...

which can be good and bad..

i feel i have found myself again after being lost in the maze of change, conflict and time...

(^.^)

i feel like a stalker today...

checking out profiles of people i dont really know...

Last minute queen...

I know i haven't been updating my blog lately.....my blog posting frequency has dropped till like once every 2 months....well, the main reason why i haven't been writing is caused there's nothing much going on actually....haha....everything is like normal....well, to look from the positive side, no news means good news....from a negative side, my life is boring....haha..

ok, so let me walk you through how i spent my day today...warning: it's bloody sien....=)

so this morning, my phone alarm rang at 8am...coz i had class at 10am....who am i kidding?? how would i be able to wake up so early.....i shut the alarm....slept for a while more...then finally at 8.15am, i manage to drag myself up from my bed....i think it's because i sleep with a 'comforter'....if i sleep with a comforter, it is much harder for me to get up in the morning...because it is so warm and fuzzy...=)

then woke up, brush teeth, take breakfast...make coffee....coz i must drink nescafe 3in 1..i only drink nescafe 3 in 1, cannot drink any other coffee...

then suppose to do my sociology assignment....but end up watching youtube....
9.50am..walked to arts for world history tutorial....
ok, about this tutorial....my tutor happens to be the lecturer, and he is kinda intimidating....seriously.... i dunno why....normally during tutorials, i'm kinda chill and calm...but during this tutorial, my heart is like racing so fast the entire time....normally i have things to say and even if i didnt read the readings hor, my strategy is to 'ask a question'....it always works....nothing to contribute nevermind, ask a question, confirm can get tutorial participation marks... but seriously, this lecturer kinda made everyone kinda a bit shy to say something....but nonetheless, of coz i got say something lar....coz the readings kinda overlap with my asian history readings....analyse before what....sure got things to say one...

anyway, tutorial went kinda ok...=) did I mention i loveeee history....i just love history.....u can learn so much about human nature by taking history.....and history always repeats itself....
very interesting...niceee...

and yea, then i walked back to my room....then i quickly did my soci assignment....coz dateline is at 5pm....procrastinated until 2pm...then quickly chop chop and goreng an assigment out...4.15pm, print the bloody assignment out, walked to arts to submit...oh yea, somemore i couldnt find the tutor;s post box...walao, i had a panic attack lar....scared submit late...
luckily i saw this girl from my tutorial group, she told me where it was...

then i walk back to my room...then watch youtube, dumped my clothes into the washing machine.....and now typing this blog lor...

see...basically my life is more or less the same like this everyday day......go for classes....procrastinate.....panic....then rush rush hush hush goreng assignment....then the whole cycle repeats itself again....

yups....that's it...

peace out!

Troubled soul....

It's late...it's dark...and i'm sitting on a bench at central forum....

I'm troubled...hoping to solve the problem that cant seem to be resolved...

Should i go for option A? but it would be kinda inconvenient..

How bout option B? Risky....but with high risk comes with high return...but i could get my friend into deep deep trouble.and it's not even funny anymore...help....

ARRGGHH....i cant decide on what to do...and it's bothering me...

the day will come when i have to pay the price...yea...and it's not gonna be cheap..

Ants everywhere!

arrgh....there's ants everywhere in my room....they seem to follow me around wherever i go....
in the beginning of the sem, there isnt a single ant in sight,.but nowadays, anything food i put on the table, they will attack....

they are like crawling here and there...i'm freaking sure they are having a nest behind the board or the window seal....i dont really want to kill it, but they get really annoying, crawling here and there...

that's becoz i m always lazy and i leave my dirty cup on the table for very long before i wash it, then the ants start to come...arrghh....go away ants...

and not only the black ants, there's read ants as well...and a few of it bit me before....how to get rid of these bloody buggers?

the other day, they attacked my 'bread loaf' and even dry instant noodle packet that it not even open yet....arrgh...nowadays, i rarely leave any food on the table unguarded ...

luckily there's only another week to stay in this room...pity the person who will be staying in this room next sem....since i have invited in so many tiny 'friends' in..

*

It's May!!

Oops...i cant believe it, its May already....how quick time passes...and in 6 days, I'll be done with my 2nd year of uni....so fast...



The month of May reminds me of many things...



and 1st of May is Labor Day...and it's my bro's fiance's birthday....i remember hor....maybe i try calling her 2moro...but they going back Malaysia....so see how lar....



Labor day is suppose to be a day for all workers to rest...and tomorrow is definitely NOT a rest day for me....coz next week i have to critical final exams...does that mean that uni students work harder than working people?? haha..jk...i'll be having 3 months of holidays...yippee...

starting to feel a bit homesick already...it's always like that...I'm like anticipating my return home....can't wait..in another week....=)



in a really random note, May remains me of the band MayDay....wu yue tian...=)



u know, i read this non fiction bio book called 'Supernatural' before, they claim that people born in May are smarter naturally.....they claim that babies conceived in August/September are smarter...so if u are conceived then, after 9 months and 10 days, u should be born in the month of may...they say it's due to some natural forces or seasonal weather or something like that....



in another unrelated note, i feel that way too many chinese girls are called 'May' already...or ah mei, or mei mei...or some other kind of variation....too many already...nice name, but way too common...at least that's what i feel....if i ever have a daughter, i would never call her May...or June....another popular name...or April or January...



=)

10 Physical Impact Uni Exams Can Do To You

1. U tend to eat double the portion of food u normally consume....your brains must be consuming lots of energy....so next time u wanna lose weight, just do math equations and skip the gym...(just kidding k)
   
   
2. Your eyes are drier than usual....irritated at times...and a bit strained from all the reading....
   
   
3. U realise that your hair is dropping way way too much in huge amounts that u r worried that u might have no hair left..
   
   
4. U have this huge urge to watch youtube, play facebook,friendster, watch drama, play computer games to procrastinate and avoid doing any actual 'studying'..
   
   
5. "mugging" is the ugliest word in your dictionary..
   
   
6. U realise that coffee isnt helping u stay awake anymore....oh well, i guess i'll just have to double the dose of caffeine...=)
   
   
7. U realise that time passes 10 times faster than usual...
   
   
8. Sleeping is "NOT" a priority as of now...it's a luxury...
   
   
9. Your short term memory sort of go haywire....like u cant remember what u had for lunch yesterday..
   
   
10. Your legs are always getting 'numb' or 'pins and needles' due to sitting for such a long period of time...=)

4 more days to go!!

Britain's Got Talent! Part 1

lately, i have been obsessed with this show called
BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT!!!
yay!! it's the only thing that's keeping me sane these days...it's so freaking entertaining...

its like the most amazing show on tv right now....1000 times better than american idol...yea really..no joke....

and this season, there has been amazing acts such as singers Susan Boyle, Shaheen....etc...

this show is about love, compassion and Simon Cowell is so much nicer here than in american idol.....

This season, i m loving(so far only 3 episodes have been aired)=)and i have watched every single one of it..:

1. Susan Boyle, this 48 year old lady who sings very well....never been married, never been kissed and lives with her cats...when she first walked out, everyone was like prejudging her and everything...and then she sang, and boy was everyone amazed...=)quite likable lady...and i almost cried when i heard her sing....somemore, she kinda reminds me of my auntie...dunno why...there's some resemblance.. i put the link down here if anyone wants to watch it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY



2. Diversity (a dance act) i like this group.....i find them quite likeable..=) there are a few other dance groups, but this is my favourite...=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObZlmDpGKsM



3.DJ talent...a really lame act, but i like him....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqlRkrTw60M

all he ever does is say his catchy phrase:

I say britain

we say you say talent

britain's got talent,

its the DJ talent....


i find him quite funny..=)



Past year winners/finalists...

1. George Sampson: last year's winner!! singing in the rain dance...
i like the song....=)



2. This is my ultimate favourite:
KATE AND GIN...
the dog is so cute and smart....why cant my dog do that???? my dog only can eat, sleep and poop only....oh well, but i still love my dog very much....
i watched this like at least 10 times already...but i never seem to get bored with it...=)




=)

horror!!!!!!!!!

just came back from macroecons test just now....and it was....
















HORRIBLE!!!!!!

thinking about it makes me wanna cry....the test consist of 3 main questions....aiyo..all 3 also i dunno how to do leh.....die....really dunno how to do....but of course, i didnt leave the paper blank....i wrote some rubbish which i m pretty sure the chance of it being correct is less than 10 % lor....the 2 hours passed like lightning, everytime i blink my eyes, it's like 10 seconds have passed....bloody hell...not enough time to think lor...and worse still, i linger so long at one question without being able to write something...waaaaa.......really want to cry liao...

after the test i came back to my room, feeling like a deflated balloon.....so upset....blaming myself for being so stupid....so i thought, i need to shower...i need to shower NOW....so i grabbed all my toiletries and clothes to the bathroom...then half way through washing my hair, omg..i forgot my body wash.....die....my head full of soap liao......so u know what, i used my facial cleanser to bathe...haha...very wasteful right...clearly, my mind is NOT in a stable state right now....

waaaa.......so sad...

and another thing, how do u tell your parents about how u did in your exams??? coz sometimes my mum might randomly call me and ask how are things, and how was my exam...

whatt should i tell her?? that i did great?? wa...downright lying...
i did ok?? this confirm is not true lar...
i did horrible?? what if she gets worried?? i dont want my mum to worry about me...
to tell the truth or not?? coz i dont lie to my parents one...really, i never have, i never will...
but sometimes, i dont tell the 'whole' truth...haha..but i wont lie...really...anyway, i m a horrible lier, so very easy to tell if i m talking bullshit..

i better go and study for next weeks paper already...dont want to have another nightmare next week.... i think i will go throw away my econs notes now...looking at it makes me irritated..
glad i've gotten everything off my chest..

*

Najib appointed Selangor Umno Chief

Oo hoorrr.......najib is Selangor Umno Chief....remember a few months ago, he was Perak Umno chief during BN's swift takeover in Perak??? is this merely a coincidence??

ho ho ho....Selangor better watch their back....warning alert!!!

I earned $32.50 cash in 2 hours..

haha, that's the only exciting thing that happen to me today...

i took part in this random trading experiment thingy....throughout the semester, these professors conduct these experiments and try to coax students to participate...

this morning, the one i went for, pays $10 show up fee...then u have to trade, buy and sell for 3 market rounds...whatever u win in that round, u get to take home...so i won, 22.50...so total, my net gain for my 2 hours spent is 32.50...woo hoo....my highest yield from surveys so far....somemore i'm so amateur....made so many wrong decisions...like the last round i couldnt sell off my assets...i'm sure some other ppl may have won more...study week also never mind lar...actually i went for other surveys before, but marketing and econs survey cannot earn much lor, normally only got $5 or $10 show up fee only...that's all..

anyways, i'm still happy...yippee...i wish it was that easy to earn money in real life...=)